How to Store and Care for Your Dildos Like a Pro: 8 Fun and Practical Tips to Keep Your Toys Happy
Your Dildos Deserve Better Than a Sticky End
Look, we've all been there. You get a new toy, it's all shiny and full of promise, and then… life happens. It ends up crammed in a drawer with your socks, maybe under a forgotten pair of headphones, accumulating dust like a forgotten relic. Then one day, you're in the mood, you pull it out, and it's… sticky. Or worse, it’s got that weird film. Or it’s just not quite right. And suddenly, your libido does a full 180 and peaces out.
Nobody wants a dildo that looks like it survived the apocalypse. Your pleasure companions—and let's be real, some of them are actual companions—deserve a bit of respect. A bit of TLC. Because a well-cared-for dildo is a dildo that's always ready to ride. And trust me, you want that.
So, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of keeping your favourite silicone (or glass, or steel, you do you) friends in prime condition. Forget the sterile chatbot vibes, let's talk about it like we're just bullshitting over a beer.
Post-Coital Clean-Up: The Toy Spa Day
Seriously, it’s not just polite, it’s essential. After your hot-and-heavy session, that dildo needs a bath. Think of it like this: you wouldn't just throw your sweaty gym clothes straight back into the cupboard, right? Same energy. Grab some warm water and a gentle, unscented soap. Or, if you’re feeling a bit fancy—and let's be honest, we all deserve to feel fancy sometimes—invest in a proper toy cleaner. Those sprays are legit, especially for your non-porous mates like silicone or glass. Just spray, wipe, and you're golden. But for the love of all that is holy, make sure it’s bone dry before you put it away. Moisture is an open invitation for all sorts of gross microscopic parties you do not want in your drawer.
Chill Out, Toys: No Sauna Vibes
Your dildos are not here for the heat. Or the humidity. Think of them as that friend who wilts if it gets above 25 degrees. Sticking them in that steamy bathroom cabinet is a hard no. That’s a recipe for warped materials, degradation, and generally just sad, sad toys. Find a cool, dry spot. A bedside drawer, a discreet box in your wardrobe, somewhere between 10°C and 30°C. They'll thank you by not turning into a melty, discoloured mess.
Solo Missions for the Squishies: No Orgy in the Drawer
This is crucial for your softer, more porous toys—we're talking TPE, TPR, jelly. These materials are like hormonal teenagers; they can react badly when left to mingle with each other. You ever see a toy that’s gone all weird and sticky, or even changed colour because it was touching another one? Yeah, that’s chemistry, baby, and not the good kind. So, if you’ve got a mix of textures and materials, give the soft ones their own little space. A separate fabric bag, a small container. Silicone and glass are usually chill, they play well together. But when in doubt, just give each toy its own postcode. Better safe than sorry.
Silicone's Little Secret: The Lube Wars
If you're rocking a silicone dildo—and let's be honest, most of us are, they're the workhorses—listen up: silicone lube is its arch-nemesis. Seriously. It's like kryptonite. Over time, it'll degrade the surface of your beautiful toy, making it tacky or even breaking it down. So, stick to water-based lubes for all your silicone adventures. And after you're done? Wash that lube off immediately. Don't let it sit there. Your silicone toys will stay smooth, slick, and ready for whatever you throw at them. Or, you know, they throw at you.
Bag It Up, Buttercup: Pouches Are Your Wingmen
Just chucking your toys in a drawer is amateur hour. Do yourself a favour and get some individual storage bags. Satin, cotton, even just little drawstring pouches. They keep dust and lint off, they keep things hygienic, and they’re bloody brilliant for discretion. If you've got roommates, or just don't want your mum finding your entire collection when she's "helping" you clean, these are a godsend. Bonus points if you colour-code them. Because fumbling around in the dark when the mood strikes is not hot.
Glass & Metal: Treat 'Em Like the Royalty They Are
Your glass and stainless steel toys are basically indestructible, right? Like little mini-sculptures of pleasure. But even these kings of the hill can chip or scratch if you're just tossing them around. So, give them the royal treatment: padded pouches, velvet bags, maybe a lockable case if you're feeling extra fancy. It adds a touch of class, sure, but more importantly, it keeps them pristine. Treat them like the treasures they are, because they are treasures.
Marie Kondo Your Pleasure Chest
If your collection is getting out of hand—and again, no judgment, we’ve all been there—it's time to get organised. Separate your dildos from your vibrators, your anal toys from your vaginal ones. Use dividers, small boxes, anything that makes sense to you. A lockable storage box with compartments? Chef's kiss. It keeps your treasures private, accessible, and makes you feel like a damn professional. Because everyone deserves their little secrets, and sometimes, those secrets are beautifully organised.
The "Retire the Raggedy" Rule
Look, nothing lasts forever, not even our most beloved toys. You need to do regular check-ups. Look for cracks, tears, or any stickiness that wasn’t there before. Especially with those porous jelly toys. If a toy looks like it's seen better days, like it's been through a warzone, or just feels off… it's time to let it go. This isn't just about aesthetics; it's about hygiene and preventing irritation. When in doubt, out with the old, in with the new. It's an excuse to buy something shiny, anyway.
Keep the Good Times Rolling!
Your dildos aren't just hunks of silicone or glass; they're partners in pleasure. They’re there for you at 2 AM when Frank Ocean's playing and you're feeling things, or on a Sunday afternoon when you just want to unwind. Give them the love and care they deserve, and they'll keep giving you those good, good vibes back.
So, go forth, you beautiful, pleasure-seeking humans. Store those dildos like the absolute pros you are.
What's the weirdest place you've ever found a forgotten toy, after you thought you’d lost it forever? Asking for a friend.